Don't want to sleep, but I gotta

As jotted down in my doctor note:

Monday Dec 31 nightmares, don't remember details

Tuesday Jan 1 nightmare with sibling of some sort trying to kill me, changing gender (murderous sibling, not I), bugs outside, weirdly bent white woman with black designs all over her in yard

Wednesday Jan 2 paranoia about Patrick, severe anxiety about work emails, which are never bad. Just opening the email thing and seeing that I have some unread ones from work makes me want to slit my throat or cut my arms because somehow that will make it better.

Friday Jan 4 nightmare with stalking, torture, cycling through again and again, birthday cake with all these birthdays on it named Belinda. I showed them the bag of torture implements with blood and flesh on them and said what each would be used for. A white hot brand i blew on trying to cool it down got to only glowing red before I passed out from fear. A giant sea turtle hugging me, told Mom could not keep going through same actions as same result each time, finally realized dreaming, screamed to wake up, shattered. Next level, men in suits, still not right, still dream, screaming, shattered. Twice more, woke for real, slipped back down. This time I had a bow and arrows. I hunted them. I shot one through the heart and another through her side. I went over and physically rammed another arrow into her throat until she choked to death on her own blood.