Friday, July 31, 2015



Seriously. This is disgusting. It reeks. Again. And it's July. I hate these dead and oh-so-stupid animals so much. I think it's rats. Rat? Rats? Whatever. I got a Tyvek suit and mask and crawled around underneath the house yesterday, and I couldn't find anything except one tripped rat trap with nothing in it and a whole bunch of rat turds. Too big for mice. It is either inside a duct or somewhere I can't get to, which is possible since some parts of the crawlspace are blocked off from access by low-hanging pipes.

So. Gross.

Oh, I also found some souvenirs from Rockin' Ronald's Rotten Opossum: fur chunks. Ahhh, memories.

This morning the bathroom stunk to high heaven (passenger jets could probably smell this), and it was/is vile beyond belief. I have closed the vents and put things over them. When I get home I'm going to use that Press-n-Seal or whatever it's called to cover up and seal everything, then put items over the vents in order to keep the cats from ripping the sealant off. I'm also going to have to do this for the intakes, I think. That's fine, as I believe we only have two of them and we don't currently need them. Then we shall burn incense beyond any incensing that has ever incensed, opening every window in the house with a screen and blowing all that air OUT.

One good thing: it is summer, so we don't need the heating vents.
One bad thing: it is summer, so it is hot and smells even worse.


When I was underneath the house I discovered a total of four rat traps. When I removed myself from the crawlspace, I strategically positioned them all along the entrance, carefully gauging the distance from the bottom of the door flap to the trap trigger. There's barely enough room for the door to swing before the trigger is right there. I covered up the outside with cinder blocks again and jammed rocks in the holes. You can't close the crawlspace hatch without bolting it to the house or something, so instead I lined up all those traps in such a way that if anything tries to get through the lowest remaining gap in the door, it will immediately run into a world of bad.

Those rat traps are not messing around. Mousetraps are fairly harmless to humans. Just annoying. Rat traps? Those suckers will seriously hurt a finger if they snap on you. They hit HARD.

Read this nasty thing while googling "how long does it take for a rat to decompose": If you only have one or two, you could count on a couple of weeks - if they both died at the same time.  Usually, one survives longer than the other because of cannibalization - which stretches the smell time out.

CANNIBALIZATION. EW. I mean, I totally understand it, because, hey, starving to death. But still. CANNIBALIZATION. I should not have to read that word before 8:30am, at least.

Haaaaaate. So sealing everything up it is. I don't think there are any vents/intakes up in the loft. Oh, there's that one on the ceiling of the hallway... Okay, so three intakes high up. Fine. I'll get a ladder. That'll just have to look stupid for a few weeks or months or whatever. This had better go away before it gets cold. I suppose I should now be happy that we're having an apparently endless horrible summer?

DECOMPOSE ALREADY. THX. Come on, beetles...or whatever. I'm not picky.

In other news, some of the plants are thriving and some appear to be giving up the ghost. Dying in an annoying way appears to be what all the cool shit is doing this year. That rhododendron has never looked particularly happy. I suspect it's the utterly craptacular soil it was planted in. And the terrible drainage. You water it and the soil is so sandy that it just runs right out. Also, it's on a tiny hill, so the water also runs down, away from it. It looks dreadful. I should just plant rosemary absolutely everywhere around the yard. That stuff seems to thrive on drought and hot sun.

We have this plant-y tree thing that has migrated itself from one side of the yard to the other, and now we have an awful lot of it next to the house as well as by the fence. Fine. I don't care. The more, the merrier. Now just grow along the empty fence line, okay? Thank you.

Send good thoughts and air purifiers.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

A few pictures for you

Some of you have already seen these on various media, but here they are for those who have not:

My balance is BACK. I am no longer under the influence of too much Lamictal. Balancing on this log was so satisfying.
Sunset over Puget Sound, as taken from my position on the log.
This is the rosemary that has grown insanely since we got it a couple years ago. I'm trying to weave it through the trellis.
Obviously photoshopped, but man I would totally buy a tree like this. Awesome.
I am so much happier with this Neurotin. I feel alive. In the past I've felt either half dead or mostly dead. Now my eyes are brighter and I have energy. I run up stairs! I don't freak out and cry or get self-harmy over tiny, unimportant things! I think I need a little more of the drug so that it will remain in my system a little longer once I've passed the half-life of it (5-7 hours). My body doesn't respond to anything under 900mg, so if I use 1200mg, it will take a little longer for my liver to murder all of it. We are going to 900mg twice a day for now, and I believe 1200 2x/day will be the perfect solution.

Magic bullet, indeed. Bless modern pharmaceutics.

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Wing obsession

I don't know what it is with me and wings. I'll be going along and then all of a sudden they're all through my head, and I have to do something about them. In this case, it involved drawing an awful lot of feathers.

It's neither the best thing I've drawn nor the worst, but it definitely had to be expressed. I did it in pencil. My mind is full of wings and feathers, for some reason. No more tattoos, but I'm wearing wing earrings and I have a lot of shirts with wings on them. I do need to get better at wing angles. The curve is a little off, I think. And there are different types. Fairy wings, angel wings, archangel wings (different), bird wings, insect wings...I need to study wings. This isn't right. But it gave my obsessive brain something to do. Now I have a tired pencil and a lot of feathers.

Monday, July 27, 2015

Chiara Bautista and James

Chiara: For James

(Who, in case anyone was curious, is James O'Barr, creator of The Crow. She never calls him anything but James. The internet finally managed to find out how who exactly he was, so that is why I'm able to tell you. We all wondered forever.)

Friday, July 24, 2015

A Study in Mania (past experiences, not present)

I am Goddess, and everything is connected to my body. My feet are buried in the dirt, my body is the plants and water, my arms are the trees, my hair is the wind, and my eyes are the sun and moon. But, rooted, I can still dance. Songs whisper by in the air and I am able to do anything at all. It's complete power and all of life moving through me.

I'm made of dreams and radiating light and darkness at the same time. The beginning and the end of everything, an enormous circle of life whirling in a glorious choir of love, loss, and joy.

I am Nyx, Adrasteia, Thanatos, Hypnos, Apollo, Artemis, Aphrodite, and Athena, all at once. I am the oracle and the primordial chaos from which everything springs. I am the explosion of fire that wove the universe and the dark matter that haunts the seemingly empty void. I am simultaneously what hides behind the stars and inside their burning hearts. I am the kumi-daiko pounding the heartbeat of creation.

Everything is possible. I can do anything. Be anyone.

There is nothing quite like your soul catching fire and burning with flames both dark and bright.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

DestinyBlue's latest art

"Your words were the bullets, trying to take me down, make me feel smaller. But I put their power into becoming better."
Her work may be found here.